One Lucky Girl

I had my work review today. I just started my new position almost 4 months ago so my boss couldn’t really review my work. I asked if he had any problems with me, he said no; I said ok. I asked what he liked about me (work wise) and he said my willingness to work with others even when not asked and my attitude; I said fair enough. I signed the paperwork and I went back to my desk. Before I left, my boss said to me, he never reviewed someone that fast and he said that usually he would have to talk long and short with whoever he was reviewing. I said to him, I like to keep it simple and if he had any problems with me, I asked him to talk to me directly.

Today was so bland at work. I had the time to go to church to attend the Novena mass but to my dissapointment, there was no Novena mass today???? They only had the regular daily mass. I stayed anyway. And at the end of mass, I prayed the Novena to the Blessed Virgin Mary. I prayed so much. I prayed so hard. I meant every word I said at church today. I prayed and prayed and prayed and prayed. I begged and begged and begged for a miracle to come to my life. I felt so much better for that whole hour I was at church. How I wish every minute of my life I could feel like that.

My husband is working at his part-time job tonight. I miss him so much. I had dinner by myself. And then I baked brownies. I watched an old movie by myself. I felt so lonely tonight. Sigh.

What is it that I want in life? What do I want? I don’t want a fancy life. I want a simple life. I want to do something I love or I enjoy then at the end of the day I can go home to my family–happy and content. I want to take care of my husband and my kids–someday. I want to have time for my husband. I want be happy. I want a simple life. I want to make money enough to pay the bills and have a little fun. I don’t need million dollars in the bank. Money won’t make me happy. I want the happy life. I want it so bad. I don’t want to go to work worrying about my happiness. I hate my job. I hate it so much. I want to quit but I cannot afford it and everyday I am dreading it and it makes my head hurts and my heart beats so fast just thinking about it. I hate it so much and God knows that. I tell God every night. I ask and pray for strength and each day I pass it I feel relieved because for that one day God has given me strength to face it. I am thankful for that. I heard at mass once long time ago, as long as I have God by my side, there is nothing I cannot do.

A good friend of mine from work was being let go a week ago. Actually the company bought him out. They gave him a severance package. He has few more years until retirement so I am not sure if the company gave him his retirement or not. He had been with the company for 10 years. I wish they would bought me out. Just give me a year or two worth of my salary and I’d be a happy camper. I’d pay off everything and the house and I’d work part time somewhere I like for the rest of my life. I think that would make me happy.

Life is a mistery isn’t it? You never know what tomorrow will bring you. But always hope for the best. I know I complain a lot about my work but trust me, I am so thankful for everything else in my life. I have a wonderful husband, I have wonderful pets, I have a house, I have good friends and families. I have my health. I have my mind. I have some savings in the bank. I am able to donate to those who are less fortunate. I am able to think. I am able to walk. I have a car. I can feel. I have my legs. I have everything I need in this world. My life is beautiful regardless my work condition. I love everything else in my life except my job. But you know what? I won’t let it make me feel down–hard to believe right???  Sure I feel down sometimes thinking about my job but then I think about something else that makes me happy. Like Jesus, or Virgin Mary, or the church, or God’s words, or my husband, my families, my friends, all the happy moments I had experienced in my life, my dreams…. then I don’t feel so bad anymore. I am thankful that I have my job to provide me with money so I can pay the bills and pay for foods for us and the pets. The money I earn from work has enabled me to buy foods for others who are less fortunate; I have been able to send money to charities. All is that because of the job I hate so much.

Lord have mercy on me. I hope Lord Jesus would forgive me for ranting about my job. He loves me I know and he would not let me suffer. I know He will help me to get through this. I will keep on asking the Lord to please find me a way so  I can financially afford to quit my job. I hope the good Lord would find me something else to do. I don’t care about the money. I just need to be doing something I enjoy the most.

Recently, I thought about doing some missionary works in other countries. My husband thought I was kidding when I told him that. He asked me, what are we going to do with the dogs? Mind you, we have 6 dogs in the house (2 bigs and 4 small). I said to him, God will find us a way to take care of that. I seriously want to do missionary works. I want to tell others about God’s love. I want to spread that joy. Attending mass makes me happy. It takes away all my worries and sadness. I feel loved when I pray to God. I want to share that happiness. Not long ago, I was not religious at all. Few months ago, I could careless about God and now look at me. I attend mass regularly–sometimes 3 – 4 times a week. I attend religious classes. I read the Bible. I pray to the saints and Jesus and Virgin Mary. I am a true believer. God and the Blessed Virgin Mary have helped me SO much in my life for the last few months it is enough to convince me that God loves me. He will stand right beside me; holding my hands. Nothing I cannot face tomorrow.

May God pour His eternal blessings in your life always. Remember, when sadness and worriness creeps in your heart, pray and you will feel better.