My debts as of July 18:
Chase $4109+ 2400 = 6509
Discover $3000
TOTAL $9509
I am so screwed. Chase sucks. I am going to pay the debt with $2400 first and then I should get some money from my mom (repayment from the money I loaned her) totaling to $5000. I am hoping so much she is going to pay me back. That would be a big substantial help. That would reduce my debt to below $5000. And that would make it easier for me to pay off.
At the same time, we are trying to save money as well. I am just so bummed right now. Our saving is up to $4300 now. In 2 more weeks, that saving is going to go up to $5000 or $5300. Then in a month should be either $5750 or $6000. We do have a lot to sacrifice though, I admit. I have to start cooking more often. I have to prepare dinners at home.
Saving money is not easy. I hate that mom is borrowing money for me while she is paying my sister $400 every month so she could pay rent in her nicer apartment, while she is not working. That doesn’t make any sense. She and her husband are building a condo somewhere and they are waiting on it to be built and in the meantime they live on one income. But they don’t have enough money to rent a bigger apartment so she asks my mom for more money each month. So my mom gives her money each month. I don’t get it. I thought once you are married, you are supposed to be on your own???? I want to say something but we’re thousand miles away. And my mom is not going to listen because apparently she likes it when someone asks her for money. It gives her more power and control over that person. So, a leech and a blood donor. What a combo.
I love my family so much except the fact that everyone is asking my mom for money. Everyone. Except me. And when my mom calls me, she always says, I am sorry I can’t pay the money I loaned from you yet but I promise I will pay soon. Then we would talk about something else and before she hungs up, she says, if you need money let me know. Ummm, yeah how about you just return the $5000. That would be nice. Then I wouldn’t in debt so much.
I am thinking my family thinks I live in a mansion with nice cars parked outside and a swimming pool in the back. Have you seen my house? Crappy little fixer upper we bought 4 years ago and we haven’t even fixed the kitchen or bathroom yet. We have no kitchen. It’s just a makeshift kitchen that we make so we can cook at least. I have cooking in that stupid little corner in the back of the house. I hate it. In fact, I wish so much we had never bought this crappy house and had waited until now to buy a house. We could have bought a gigantic mansion for the money we paid for this crappy house. But I am sure God has a different plans for us. I guess life is not always about daisies and lilies.
I want more money. I hate my job. I have not enough savings. And too much in debts. My life sucks.
Ok. I am a little freaked out to be honest. I am going to start a business soon…. from home–selling things online. I was so pumped out yesterday and now I am having all sort of bad dreams about the business that has not yet started. Am I too overreacted? Am I just nervous? Is this normal?
I have so much expectation with my new venture. I cannot fail on this project. I have to succeed. I cannot accept failure anymore. I have so much hopes on this new venture.
Maybe I am pressuring myself too much but this new venture is going to cost me some money so it better works.
I was feeling depressed today almost all day. I was thinking about work and all of the sudden my mood changed from happy to depressing. I don’t think I can last any longer in my work. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it so much. I just don’t know how to handle it right now. I don’t know how we can afford me quiting the job. I can sell my car and that will eliminate one car payment. Then we can get rid of stuff from the storage. I have to pick up sewing again soon. I cannot wait any longer.
I can start selling my handmade items on Etsy, my personal website, and also at the arts market.
My sewing machine is not working great right now. I am so mad. Now I am looking into purchasing another one. A better quality one. Something that can handle many sewing hours.
Ok I am sleepy and tired. Better go to sleep. Tomorrow is Sunday. I am going to church again. I went today and it was so weird because the message from today’s mass was that if you believe in God, and if you ask anything, it will be done. I don’t know why I cried all of the sudden after hearing the message. I knew God was talking to me. I knew He was sending me an assurance that everything is going to be ok. I do have faith in God. I have been praying everynight for Him to grant me a way so I can financially afford to quit my job. Something’s got to happen. Something’s got to work out somehow. I don’t know what it is but things got to be better. I have to find ways to make myself happy. I am going to start looking for another job. Keep my fingers crossed. Perhaps I can do part-time job and I can use the other half to run my business from home.
God, please hear my prayers. Help me please. Help.
I have been feeling weird lately. My tummy just does not feel good at all. So last night, my husband took me to get pregnancy test at Walgreens. I was going to test myself last night but I thought I’d do it the next day.
So this morning I took the pregnancy test and I got 2 lines, which means I am pregnant–one is lighter than the other. I told my husband.
Well, we might be pregnant!!!!!!!!
My period is supposed to be next week on Tuesday. So… it is still early. However, we did get the pregnancy test that can be used 5 days sooner.
I am excited. And I hope my husband too. I am praying so that I am positively pregnant. I am going to test myself again this weekend using different pregnancy tests. And if I get all positive results, I will call my doctor to confirm my pregnancy.
I am happy but nervous at the same time. I have so much to think about. We need to save more money. We need to fix the house. We have a fence we need to install. We need to fix the kitchen. We have to buy new washer and dryer. I want to quit my job after the baby is born. All these roll into one. I don’t know how we can afford everything. I don’t know how we can do everything at the same time…..
I will turn everything to God. God heard my prayers!!! He heard my prayer to get pregnant. After months asking, He finally grants me a pregnancy (keep my fingers crossed). And He knows I have been asking for a way so I can financially afford to quit my job. And I know with all my heart, God will find me a way. I know that. There is no doubt in my heart at all. I have faith in him.
Thank you Jesus. Thank you Virgin Mary.
I am having a headache.
I hate my job. My house looks like New Orleans after huricane Katrina. Ok mostly I hate my job. I have 3 good friends at work and I am thankful for them because they keep me going when I am at work. They are not in my department, however.
Ughhh. I hate my job. Hate my job. Hate my job. Hate my job. God help me.
If there is one thing, just one thing, I wish I could do right now is to be able to quit my job and to afford it. I don’t need a million dollar to quit my job. I don’t even need half of that. Not a quarter. I just want to be at peace with the decision of quiting my job.
I have no drive to work at my work place. I have no desire. I was not like this before. My job has become something I dread so much. My coworkers are people from hell. My boss is a joke. My department, as a whole, is like the red headed bastard child of the company. Whenever we have a group meeting (just my department, which only has 6 people including me), it always ends up being a pity party for everyone but me. My boss has the best knacks of turning a group meeting into some kind of this-is-the-end-of-the-world moment. Dark and gloomy.
I just moved to my new department about 6 months ago. And there are a lot of times, when my coworkers would tell me something and I’d be on selective hearing mode. I’d nod my head and pretend I was listening when my mind was elsewhere. I never care. I don’t even know how I lasted this long. I know it sounds really bad but I just don’t care anymore. And I feel guilty because I know I can do so much better job if I do what I like to do.
Everyday I sit at my desk, staring at my computer, doing nothing. Thinking. About what I could have done with my life. And I’d feel warmth all over my cheeks but I don’t want to cry. I don’t want a pity party for myself–I’ve got enough doze of that from my department biweekly meeting.
Everyday, I’d compile ideas of what I would do, say, I won a lottery. Or if some strangers handed me lots of money or a business to start.
I am trying to distract myself from the doom and gloom of my work. I am taking golf classes and sewing classes at night. And then starting in February, I am going to take a series of Adobe classes–Photoshop, InDesign, Illustrator, etc. I am trying. So far, I have learned so much from my golf and sewing classes. I love it. You never know when a hobby will turn into a fun money-making activity. My goals this year are to be able to play descent golf, be good at sewing, and learn graphic design. Oh I am also starting an etsy shop. I am trying my best to distract myself from the bad things.
I envy those stay-at-home moms. I am jealous. I wish I could stay at home. I wish I could just do it somehow. I wish. Oh I wish. There was a time when I came home for lunch. I missed my dogs so much that day so I took a lunch break at home. When I got home, my dogs were soooo happy to see me. And when I left, they looked at me like, why do you have to leave? There was an unspoken language. Something. That moment alone almost made me cry. I drove back to work with some kind of burden on my chest. I couldn’t stop thinking about that hour at home. Then I prayed. For a miracle to happen. But it never happened that day.
Call me idiot, stupid, whatever but I do hope that one day I’d win the lotto or the powerball. I know the odds are slim to nothing but people have won them. So there’s always a chance. There’s always a possibility. And I am not giving up on that yet. And if I win, I promise myself, I am going to take a year off everything. I am going to dedicate that one year to be closer to God. I will help those who are unfortunate. I will spend my year doing nothing but volunteer works. For my church, for my animal rescue group, for my community. Anything I’d do it.
I know. I wish life was that easy.
Ugggh. A thought of my job crossed my mind and I hated it. I just hate it so much. Just thinking about it makes me sick. I get grumpy all the time when I am at home. I hate that. Then, when little thing happens, I’d be screaming and yelling and do all those crazy stuff. Like I just burst out into a moment of anger. Then a minute later, I’d regret it. What I have always wanted was to let out a scream to express my frustration with my job situation.
I hate what I do. Every day I think about quiting my job. I envision it in my head. How lovely that would be. I dream about it.
Why can’t I be like one of those famous people. Like Miley Cyrus. Sing a few song, act a little, make lots of money. No worries for the rest of my life.
Oh. I feel like I need to talk to a psychologist.
God, please help me.
Friday night. My husband is working at his part-time job tonight. I finished eating dinner–leftover Shrimp and veggie stir fry. It was good. I ate it with plain white rice.
I don’t know if I am pregnant or not. I am anxious. I can’t wait to have a baby. I can’t wait to share all the wonderful things we have in this world. I cannot wait to take the baby to the park for a picnic or to play. I cannot wait to see my husband teach him how to fly a kite or how to ride a bicycle. I want to take him to the beach. I want to take him to the dog park. I want to take him to Savannah for the weekend. I want to take him to grocery. I want to do so many things with him. I can’t wait to teach him how to read, how to talk, how to be gentle to our pets. I can’t wait to bake him his very first birthday cake and his very first cupcake.
I can’t wait. I will pray everyday. Every time I have the chance to say a little prayer. I will pray so that my husband and I will be blessed with a happy, healthy, and beautiful pregnancy soon.
In the meantime, I will also keep on praying about my work situation. I know that the economy is really bad right now and I am hoping that God would be kind to me and would show me a way so I can financially afford to quit my job. I want a way. Perhaps, a new, better job. Or something else. Like maybe I’d win some money that will allow me to start my own business. Life is full of good surprises and I am sure I will get my good surprises soon.
It has been a one long week for me. Tomorrow is Friday. Since I will be on call this weekend, I have to say I am not too looking forward to the weekend. I probably will take it easy. I won’t be going out much. Just stay at home I suppose.
My work situation hasn’t improved. Still the same. I am still dreading it everyday. Seems like an eternity my time at work. I hate it. Oh how I pray everyday begging Virgin Mary and Jesus to please show me a way so I can afford to quit my job. That is all I want.
All my other prayers have been answered by God. A friend at work asked me to pray so she becomes pregnant. I did and it turns out that she is indeed pregnant. I am so happy for her. This week another friend of mine and I signed up for a sewing class but the teacher was not sure if she would have enough people sign up as she would need to have 10 students in the class in order for the class not to be canceled. Today was the last day to sign up and 30 minutes before the deadline, there were only 8 people signed up. My friend called and asked me to pray quickly so that the class won’t be canceled. We really want to take this particular sewing class together. So, I prayed to Jesus and Virgin Mary. And 30 minutes later I called the teacher and she told me that the class was not canceled.
You see, Virgin Mary and Jesus hear prayers. I don’t care what people say I believe that they will always answer my prayers. Some prayers will be answered faster than others.
I am praying so my husband and I will hear a pregnancy news soon.
I pray and beg everyday so that Jesus and Mary will show me a way to afford quiting my job. I told them I would like to open my own business with my husband. I know the economy is tough right now but I know with God by myside, nothing is impossible.
I want to be happy in my life. I want to live a happy life with my husband and my future children.
I think I have already been buying a bit too much baby items. The baby is not even here yet. Sigh. Today I went to get several things–all gently used. I bought a set of Baby Einstein books, a stroller rattle set thingy, the idiot guide to pregnancy book, several baby onesies, about 12 baby bottles different sizes, some burp clothes, blankets, a cd, 2 sippy cups, a pair of shoes, several baby socks, pacifier thermometer, a set of thank you notes…. all of these for $36.
I am still hunting for several main items such as bouncer, baby gym, and stroller travel set. I have more than 9 months to get those so I am good. We also need a crib mattress. But I think we might get that brand new. We’ll see.
I am so tired today. I am so glad the we’ll have short work week next week. I cannot wait until Christmas. I just can’t wait. I want to relax next week all week. Taking everything easy.Might need to do some house clean up but that is ok.
Ok. I am going to get ready to go tp bed now.
My husband and I bought a gently used baby bassinet today. We bought it for $20. It’s white with ruffles around it. Very cute. I am thinking we can put our future baby in it for the first few months until he/she outgrows it then we’ll get a used crib. We also stopped by at Marshall’s to get some baby toys. I bought 2 baby items that cost me about $20. Expensive!!! Today I spent a total of $40 for our future baby.
I have been looking at craigslist a lot for cheap baby stuff. I learned that baby does not use stuff for that long because they wil outgrow the things we buy for them in a snap. So I am going to get most things second hand if possible. Of course, I can’t just get everything used. I am sure there will be things that I will need to get new. I guess I can always put those on the registry someday.
My husband has to work evening tomorrow at his part-time job. I will be at home by myself again I guess. I am going to try to clean up and do some works around the house. And cook for the next week.
I am on call this weekend so it’s not going to be fun but I am hoping it will be an easy weekend for me.
Tonight I asked my husband again if he is sure about having a baby next year. He said yes. So I guess we will be having a baby next year!! I am excited. I cannot wait the day the doctor tells me that I am pregnant. I will be the happiest woman in the world. I love my husband so much and I cannot wait to start a family with him. We have been married for almost 5 years and I think this is a good time for us to have a baby. I am hoping to have another one in 2011. I’d like to have 3 but we’ll see. I’ll be happy with one. We’ll see how we handle one baby first. I am so excited. I think about it everyday. I want to be a good mother. Our baby will bring my husband and me lots of luck, happiness, joy, fortune, and good life. This is why I cannot wait for his arrival.
I pray to the Blessed Mother and Jesus to bless us with a wonderful baby. I pray so that we will conceive soon. I pray so that we have a beautiful, healthy, and happy pregnancy. I want to be happy. I want to enjoy my life. I want to share what I have in life with our baby. I cannot wait!!!
Please pray so that God will bless us with pregnancy soon. Thank you.
