Ok. I am a little freaked out to be honest. I am going to start a business soon…. from home–selling things online. I was so pumped out yesterday and now I am having all sort of bad dreams about the business that has not yet started. Am I too overreacted? Am I just nervous? Is this normal?
I have so much expectation with my new venture. I cannot fail on this project. I have to succeed. I cannot accept failure anymore. I have so much hopes on this new venture.
Maybe I am pressuring myself too much but this new venture is going to cost me some money so it better works.
I was feeling depressed today almost all day. I was thinking about work and all of the sudden my mood changed from happy to depressing. I don’t think I can last any longer in my work. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it so much. I just don’t know how to handle it right now. I don’t know how we can afford me quiting the job. I can sell my car and that will eliminate one car payment. Then we can get rid of stuff from the storage. I have to pick up sewing again soon. I cannot wait any longer.
I can start selling my handmade items on Etsy, my personal website, and also at the arts market.
My sewing machine is not working great right now. I am so mad. Now I am looking into purchasing another one. A better quality one. Something that can handle many sewing hours.
Ok I am sleepy and tired. Better go to sleep. Tomorrow is Sunday. I am going to church again. I went today and it was so weird because the message from today’s mass was that if you believe in God, and if you ask anything, it will be done. I don’t know why I cried all of the sudden after hearing the message. I knew God was talking to me. I knew He was sending me an assurance that everything is going to be ok. I do have faith in God. I have been praying everynight for Him to grant me a way so I can financially afford to quit my job. Something’s got to happen. Something’s got to work out somehow. I don’t know what it is but things got to be better. I have to find ways to make myself happy. I am going to start looking for another job. Keep my fingers crossed. Perhaps I can do part-time job and I can use the other half to run my business from home.
God, please hear my prayers. Help me please. Help.
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Monday was the Immaculate Conception feast day. I went to church at noon and it was packed. I had to sit all the way in the back. I was glad to make it. It was my first Immaculate Conception feast day mass. I said prayers and thanksgiving to Jesus, the Blessed Virgin Mary, and all the saints.
There was something that the priest said on Monday’s mass that stuck in my head. He said, nothing is impossible with God.
I did not go to church on Tuesday. I went today at noon. It was very peaceful. Today, the priest reminded us about the strength of the Memorare prayer.
I happen to pray the Memorare prayer a lot. Every day I say that prayer in fact.
~~~
Today was not a so-good day at work. I have been complaining about my workplace a lot on this blog if you notice. My group is a dysfunctional group. I have a manager, about 40 something and single, who likes for us to stay with him late at work. Well, most of us have families at home and we can’t stay at work for 10 – 12 hours a day. We have a family at home waiting for us. For him, no one is at home waiting for him so time is no issue. He can go home whenever he wants to. Then there are couple people do not like the manager and they are not afraid to walk all over him. Yet the manager can’t or don’t want to do anything. And to make things worse, most people are negative thinking. They are dragging everyone down to the hole. I can tell you, I try so hard to fuel in positive energy to the group. And I am starting to wear out. I really, really, really want to quit my job. I want it so bad I pray every day and evey night hoping for a miracle. I don’t know. Something please to happen so I can afford to quit my job. I don’t want to work in a toxic environment. Those people are negative and I do not want to spend almost half of my day with them. It is poisoning my life. I am begging and begging and begging to Lord Jesus Christ and the Blessed Virgin Mary to please grant me a miracle so I can just financially afford to quit my job.
I am so frustrated.
I want to quit my job but I make more money than my husband does and it makes it harder for me to quit. I just want to cry sometimes. Because I feel like I can’t do anything about it. I really really want to quit. I really do. But if I quit I don’t know how we survive financially. We’ll be okay for 3 – 6 months but I don’t know what else to do after that.
I pray every day and every night. When I am awake, at home or at work, I say prayers. Constantly. Sometimes the prayers would make me feel better at work.
I often cry at night. After I pray. I don’t know what else to do. I have some ideas of what I want to do for myself but I need capital/money for that and I don’t have that right now. Which means, I’d have to save for a long while and in this current economy this most likely means to stay at my current job, that I hate so much.
I don’t know if anyone else know how I feel. My work life is miserable. I don’t know how many more days I can go on. I pray so hard in the morning before I go to work hoping for a miracle.
I feel like I am on a deadend. I can’t do nothing about this. Like I have no choice. Often time, I ask myself why do I have to stay at my current job? I wish so much I could tell my boss I quit tomorrow. I wish. This is the one wish I want God to grant me. I want this to be my Christmas miracle. I want this to be my Christmas gift to me from whoever. I want this so bad. All I want is to be able to financially afford to quit my job. I wish my husband was making more than me. I wish I didn’t have to think so hard about this. I have so many other wishes but only this wish I want more than other wishes I have. And I don’t know how to convince God that. Aren’t my prayers mean something?
I wish I could scream so loud for the whole world to know how I feel right now. I hate my job. I want to quit. But I cannot afford it. My husband is not making enough money to afford both of us. And I feel so stuck. Stuck in my work place. A place I have to visit everyday. Five days a week. Eight hours a day. I don’t know for how many more days I have to wait. I know sooner or later God will have to answer my prayer and find me a way.
I wish I could open my chest for everyone to see how much it hurts in there to be at work feeling miserable eight hours a day or sometimes more. To pretend that I want to be there when I wish with all my heart I was somewhere else. To fake a smile on my face greeting everyone else. To force myself to think positive when the rest of the group is drowning me down in negativities.
There were millions moments where I had wished I won the lotto. There was not a second where I wasn’t imagining myself telling my boss that the day after tomorrow would be my last day. And when none of that happened, I’d tell myself, there is another day. And I take the day one at a time. I thought things would get better. But it is not. And it hurts me more.
Then I pray some. For a miracle. Something to happen. But it hasn’t happened. Then I cry. But that does not do anything. Then I pray some more. To make me feel better.
I believe in God. I believe in Mary. I believe in Jesus. And I believe in miracle.
You may not believe me but I know with all my heart, a miracle will come to me soon. And when that happens, I will send millions thanksgiving prayers to God and Mary and Jesus and all the saints who help me.
And then everyone will tell me you’re a … one lucky girl.
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The weekend went by pretty fast. I was on call (from work) on Saturday and Sunday so it wasn’t fun but nothing major happened and I am thankful for that.
My husband is still at his (part-time) workplace. I miss him so much. He left at 5 and it has been 6 hours since he left. Shortly after he left, I went grocery shopping. There were so many BOGO deals at the local supermarket so I got bunch of those things. I got home around 7PM and then I started cooking and cleaning up the house. I made lunches and dinners for my husband. I packed his lunch for tomorrow. I got done about 9PM. Then I had dinner–angel hair pasta with clams in tomato and garlic sauce. At around 10, I had the time to take shower. I felt so tired afterward. I am ready to go to bed. But I miss my husband so much. I wish he was here. I am glad he only has to work Thursday and Saturday this week.
I rented bunch of old movies from Blockbuster several days ago and I plan on watching them all week this week. Hopefully tomorrow, my husband would watch one of them with me. He is not a big fan of old movies.
I am so tired.
I need to read the bible first before going to bed. And say few Novenas to the Virgin Mary. I plan on going to the church to attend the Novena mass tomorrow at noon. I have done this for he last 3 months now. I love it. I always look forward to Monday noons.
I hope everyone had a great week. If you did, please do not forget to give thanks to God. He makes all things possible. May you will be followed by another great week ahead.
God bless everyone.
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On Wednesday evening’s apologetic’s class, we learned about the angels, the devils, and exorcism. I learned that the Catholic church believes that each one of us has our own guardian angel. I also learned that we can actually talk to our guardian angel just like how we talk to other people. Quite interesting.
So the day after class, I searched online on guardian angels. I found out a whole lot more information. And that same day, I called my guardian angel. That was the “first time” I ever spoke to my guardian angel. I never knew I had one. So I started talking to him. Yes, it sounded like I was talking to myself. I called him to come to my life and to be a good guardian angel for me. I asked him to always guide me and to help me stay positive and be happy.
Amazingly, since then, I have been feeling pretty happy. Granted it has only been like 2 days but I am feeling pretty good with everything so far. I feel like everything in my life is going to be fine. My guardian angel has done a great job in keeping me on track with happiness. For the last 2 days, I think nothing but good things and happiness. I avoid toxic people and I keep close those who gravitate happiness. Life is more relaxing that way. I feel humbled to feel this way. I want my life to go to the right direction. It does not have to be perfect because who is perfect? No one is and no one has a perfect life. So it is ok if my life is not perfect. I do want to feel happiness in my life, though.
I have been talking to my guardian angel everyday for the last 2 days now. I called him to be in my dream last night but I couldn’t tell if he was there or not. I know I have a good guardian angel. I just know it.
It is truly an amazing feeling to not have to worry about little things anymore. Also, did you know that you could talk to someone’s else’s guardian angel? I tried to do that on Friday and it seemed to work. So I was happy about it.
Get to know your guardian angel and you’d be amazed on how a lovely experience it is.
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Hail Mary full of grace the Lord is with thee. Blessed are thou among women and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, mother of god, pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death. Amen
Tonight I want to say my thanksgiving to Jesus and the Blessed Virgin Mary for giving me strength and patience at work for the last 2 days. I felt that I was being tested and only through God’s presence in my heart I was able to get through the last 2 days easily. I am so blessed indeed. I could have said I quit but I did not. I felt so strong at work. I held my patience. Prayed a lot and I made it. I could not possible made it without the blessings from Jesus and Virgin Mary.
Tomorrow is a new day. I will face it with bravery. Like I said yesterday, there is nothing I cannot do with God by my side.
Tonight my husband is working at his part time job again. He is switching with someone from work so he does not have to work this Thursday as he was scheduled before. I will have tomorrow through Saturday to spend with him. Yay. I am so happy. Tomorrow is the apologetic class at church. I plan to attend. I love learning new things.
I wanted to go to church today to attend mass but I couldn’t since everyone left for lunch at the same time and there is always have to be someone there to watch the desk. So I stayed. I spent my lunch hour at the cafetaria downstairs to read the Bible and to pray. It was very calming and comforting.
I am going to go to bed early tonight so I can wake up refreshed and happy.
I want to be a happy person. I deserve it.
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I had my work review today. I just started my new position almost 4 months ago so my boss couldn’t really review my work. I asked if he had any problems with me, he said no; I said ok. I asked what he liked about me (work wise) and he said my willingness to work with others even when not asked and my attitude; I said fair enough. I signed the paperwork and I went back to my desk. Before I left, my boss said to me, he never reviewed someone that fast and he said that usually he would have to talk long and short with whoever he was reviewing. I said to him, I like to keep it simple and if he had any problems with me, I asked him to talk to me directly.
Today was so bland at work. I had the time to go to church to attend the Novena mass but to my dissapointment, there was no Novena mass today???? They only had the regular daily mass. I stayed anyway. And at the end of mass, I prayed the Novena to the Blessed Virgin Mary. I prayed so much. I prayed so hard. I meant every word I said at church today. I prayed and prayed and prayed and prayed. I begged and begged and begged for a miracle to come to my life. I felt so much better for that whole hour I was at church. How I wish every minute of my life I could feel like that.
My husband is working at his part-time job tonight. I miss him so much. I had dinner by myself. And then I baked brownies. I watched an old movie by myself. I felt so lonely tonight. Sigh.
What is it that I want in life? What do I want? I don’t want a fancy life. I want a simple life. I want to do something I love or I enjoy then at the end of the day I can go home to my family–happy and content. I want to take care of my husband and my kids–someday. I want to have time for my husband. I want be happy. I want a simple life. I want to make money enough to pay the bills and have a little fun. I don’t need million dollars in the bank. Money won’t make me happy. I want the happy life. I want it so bad. I don’t want to go to work worrying about my happiness. I hate my job. I hate it so much. I want to quit but I cannot afford it and everyday I am dreading it and it makes my head hurts and my heart beats so fast just thinking about it. I hate it so much and God knows that. I tell God every night. I ask and pray for strength and each day I pass it I feel relieved because for that one day God has given me strength to face it. I am thankful for that. I heard at mass once long time ago, as long as I have God by my side, there is nothing I cannot do.
A good friend of mine from work was being let go a week ago. Actually the company bought him out. They gave him a severance package. He has few more years until retirement so I am not sure if the company gave him his retirement or not. He had been with the company for 10 years. I wish they would bought me out. Just give me a year or two worth of my salary and I’d be a happy camper. I’d pay off everything and the house and I’d work part time somewhere I like for the rest of my life. I think that would make me happy.
Life is a mistery isn’t it? You never know what tomorrow will bring you. But always hope for the best. I know I complain a lot about my work but trust me, I am so thankful for everything else in my life. I have a wonderful husband, I have wonderful pets, I have a house, I have good friends and families. I have my health. I have my mind. I have some savings in the bank. I am able to donate to those who are less fortunate. I am able to think. I am able to walk. I have a car. I can feel. I have my legs. I have everything I need in this world. My life is beautiful regardless my work condition. I love everything else in my life except my job. But you know what? I won’t let it make me feel down–hard to believe right??? Sure I feel down sometimes thinking about my job but then I think about something else that makes me happy. Like Jesus, or Virgin Mary, or the church, or God’s words, or my husband, my families, my friends, all the happy moments I had experienced in my life, my dreams…. then I don’t feel so bad anymore. I am thankful that I have my job to provide me with money so I can pay the bills and pay for foods for us and the pets. The money I earn from work has enabled me to buy foods for others who are less fortunate; I have been able to send money to charities. All is that because of the job I hate so much.
Lord have mercy on me. I hope Lord Jesus would forgive me for ranting about my job. He loves me I know and he would not let me suffer. I know He will help me to get through this. I will keep on asking the Lord to please find me a way so I can financially afford to quit my job. I hope the good Lord would find me something else to do. I don’t care about the money. I just need to be doing something I enjoy the most.
Recently, I thought about doing some missionary works in other countries. My husband thought I was kidding when I told him that. He asked me, what are we going to do with the dogs? Mind you, we have 6 dogs in the house (2 bigs and 4 small). I said to him, God will find us a way to take care of that. I seriously want to do missionary works. I want to tell others about God’s love. I want to spread that joy. Attending mass makes me happy. It takes away all my worries and sadness. I feel loved when I pray to God. I want to share that happiness. Not long ago, I was not religious at all. Few months ago, I could careless about God and now look at me. I attend mass regularly–sometimes 3 – 4 times a week. I attend religious classes. I read the Bible. I pray to the saints and Jesus and Virgin Mary. I am a true believer. God and the Blessed Virgin Mary have helped me SO much in my life for the last few months it is enough to convince me that God loves me. He will stand right beside me; holding my hands. Nothing I cannot face tomorrow.
May God pour His eternal blessings in your life always. Remember, when sadness and worriness creeps in your heart, pray and you will feel better.
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My mom called me over the weekend. She told me that my dad had a stroke. I was so sad to hear that. And I felt very useless for not being able to help at all–we live thousand miles apart. The only thing I can do is to pray for my dad. And I pray everyday for him. I know that God will hear my prayers.
I also keep on praying about my job situation. I know God will grant my prayer.
Today I had to retake a test at work. I did not feel like taking it but I had to. So before I took the test, I said prayer to Virgin Mary to help me. And she answered my prayer. She helped me. The test was not easy but somehow I passed it. I was so thankful. Tonight I am going to say special thanksgiving prayer to her for helping to pass the test.
Prayer is a big part of my life now. I can’t remember a single day I pass without saying prayers since I started attending church about almost 6 – 7 months ago. I pray every single day. I pray in the morning before I go to work in my car. I hardly listen to the morning radio anymore. Instead, I use the quiet time to pray to Jesus. At work when I am not too busy I say prayers. On Mondays, I spend my lunch hour attending Novena mass at church. Other days during lunch hour, I’d spend an hour at the cafetaria reading the bible and reciting prayers. I find comfort in prayers. When God is on our side, life seems simpler. And that’s what I like about it. Prayers give me hope. Prayers give me happiness. I feel like you don’t have to worry about a thing in the world knowing that God will always be there for you. When you pray, you think of God, Jesus, Virgin Mary, and the saints. I know in my life, Jesus and Virgin Mary have helped me a lot. Just in my daily activities, they always help me to get through the day. One at a time. I am so thankful for that.
I hope that more people will take time to say prayer even if it’s only once a day. Prayers do not have to be long and complicated. It can be so simple. Just like when you are thinking in your head. So simple.
Take a break from the hectic life and say a prayer. It will do wonder in your life.
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Today was a beautiful day. I was officially welcomed at the Catholic church. Today was the first rite of my journey in becoming a Catholic. We were “introduced” to the priest and everyone at church. Everyone in my class was so happy. I know I was. Today was the day when I received my first cross. And I felt this cross was very special to me. I have been wearing it all day today since mass this morning and I feel happy when I wear it.
At mass today, I prayed again. I mentioned my requests to Lord Jesus Christ, Virgin Mary, and Saint Jude. I really, really need their help at this moment.
If you are reading this post, please pray for me. I would like to be able to afford to quit my job and to finally figure out what I need to be doing with my life. I would like to be doing something that means something to me so 30 years from today when I look back to this day, I’ll say, I am glad I did it. So please, pray for me. I know we are strangers but please know that I pray to God for each of you who prays for me, may God return your kindness thousands more.
~~~
Yes I am dreading coming to work tomorrow morning. Have to deal with my boss again. And the mean trainer again. Arrrghhh. I prayed for a miracle to happen so I don’t ever have to come back to work–and be able to afford it. Well, I did not win the lottery so I don’t know how else I could afford to quit my job by tomorrow. I make it clear to myself that I will only be staying at my job until April 2009. That is my limit. So far, I have only told my husband and Christina, the girl who sits next to me (she is actually from another department and we get along well, btw. I trust her).
Sometime next week, I plan to call the office of the department of education in town. They have received my resume and I would like to set up an interview with them. Speaking of teaching, two of the people in my Catholic class are teachers. They are quite young actually. I never got to talk to them but I will try to talk to them next week. Who knows they’d let me shadow them at work for a day.
Tomorrow is Monday and that means I get to to go Novena mass at noon!! yay. I am always excited everytime I have the chance to pray at church.
Tonight I have to pray extra harder so I will be able to achieve where I need to be.
If you are praying for me, thank you so very much. God bless you.
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It almost has been a crappy one year for me–work wise. I don’t know any other year that has gone this bad in my life. Since January 2008, I have been in an awful misery at work. From one position to another. I get the worst possible bosses of all bosses I could have at work. The first was a dictator-type boss. Then my now-boss can’t manage people at all. The first position was an energy-drainage job. I was so exhausted at work–12 hours shift work with various schedule. The new position is a regular Monday – Friday job but it is a dead boring job. I hate it so much. SO. VERY. MUCH.
I bought a lotto tonight. So let’s hope I win it. Because that would be sweet. And I would throw money giveaway right here on my blog. Wouldn’t that be nice? Oh and of course I’d donate lots to kids in 3rd world countries. And animal shelters. And hungry people. Then I can finally do what I want to do the most in my life: volunteer everyday for the rest of my life. Please hear my prayer, God. I will say thousands thanksgiving prayers.
I hate my job. I don’t know how many times I’ve said it and I think by now you know how much I hate my job. I want to be one of those lucky people who can say: I LOVE MY JOB!!!!!!!
Gosh I feel like a mess. I have a job I hate so much. I dread coming to work every single day. I want to quit my job. I don’t know what I want to do with my life. I only have close to $5000 in saving. I have a house that needs to be renovated. I have a plan to start a baby next year. I am in a serious mess. Total mess. The worst thing is, I have to admit, not knowing what I want to do with my life. I know I have to work. I know that. But I don’t know what I want to do. I don’t want to waste my life hopping from one job to another hoping to find happiness.
HELP!!!!!
I am so confused. I am so afraid. I am afraid I am not going to find another job. I am afraid I won’t make enough money. I am afraid I won’t be happy. I am so afraid. I don’t know what to do. I want to make money. I want to make my parents proud. I want to make my husband proud of me. I want to be happy with my life. I make good money but I am not happy. I want to make as much money as I make today but with much more dose of happiness in my life. How????? How do I do that? What do I need to do? I don’t know I don’t know I don’t know I don’t know. I am so frustrated. I am tired of not knowing what I want to do. I feel like this is my responsibility to find out what I want in my life. And I am feeling so pressured right now because I really don’t know what to do. I don’t want to have other people to tell me what to do.
Jesus, I need you so bad right now. I need you to help me. I need your help so much right now. I need a sign. I need a confirmation in my heart. Please let me know what I need to be doing with my life. Please let me know soon. Please Jesus, please let me know.
For those of you who read my blog. Will you please pray for me? Please pray so that God send his guidance in my jorney of finding happiness in my life and finding the purpose of my life. I pray for God to return your kindness thousands more.
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Ok I don’t know what to do anymore. I have been praying to almost every Saint there is out there. I have been praying to God everyday and everynight. I have been saying countless Novenas to Virgin Mary, Miraculous Infant Jesus, and even to St.Jude. I have been praying for weeks. My prayer has not been answered. My one single prayer.
God where are you? Why are you not listening to my prayer? Why are you not answering to me?
I went to church to attend the Novena mass today and I prayed again. So hard. If praying to all Saints and to God and to Jesus does not get my prayer answered I don’t know what else to do.
All I want is for my one single prayer to be answered. Just one.
I am not a bad person at all. I have every good intention in the world with my prayer. I don’t know what it is taking God so long to answer it. I have every faith and believe in every breath I take that God will answer it. I have no doubt about it. I know He hears my prayer. I know it.
I do feel desperate at times, I do feel sad and dissapointed but I know God will never dissapoint me. God will never hurt my feeling.
So until He answers my prayer, that one single prayer, I will keep on asking. Because I know, one day, my prayer will be answered and I will tell the whole wide world how awesome God is and I will make millions others to believe in God.
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