If there is one thing, just one thing, I wish I could do right now is to be able to quit my job and to afford it. I don’t need a million dollar to quit my job. I don’t even need half of that. Not a quarter. I just want to be at peace with the decision of quiting my job.
I have no drive to work at my work place. I have no desire. I was not like this before. My job has become something I dread so much. My coworkers are people from hell. My boss is a joke. My department, as a whole, is like the red headed bastard child of the company. Whenever we have a group meeting (just my department, which only has 6 people including me), it always ends up being a pity party for everyone but me. My boss has the best knacks of turning a group meeting into some kind of this-is-the-end-of-the-world moment. Dark and gloomy.
I just moved to my new department about 6 months ago. And there are a lot of times, when my coworkers would tell me something and I’d be on selective hearing mode. I’d nod my head and pretend I was listening when my mind was elsewhere. I never care. I don’t even know how I lasted this long. I know it sounds really bad but I just don’t care anymore. And I feel guilty because I know I can do so much better job if I do what I like to do.
Everyday I sit at my desk, staring at my computer, doing nothing. Thinking. About what I could have done with my life. And I’d feel warmth all over my cheeks but I don’t want to cry. I don’t want a pity party for myself–I’ve got enough doze of that from my department biweekly meeting.
Everyday, I’d compile ideas of what I would do, say, I won a lottery. Or if some strangers handed me lots of money or a business to start.
I am trying to distract myself from the doom and gloom of my work. I am taking golf classes and sewing classes at night. And then starting in February, I am going to take a series of Adobe classes–Photoshop, InDesign, Illustrator, etc. I am trying. So far, I have learned so much from my golf and sewing classes. I love it. You never know when a hobby will turn into a fun money-making activity. My goals this year are to be able to play descent golf, be good at sewing, and learn graphic design. Oh I am also starting an etsy shop. I am trying my best to distract myself from the bad things.
I envy those stay-at-home moms. I am jealous. I wish I could stay at home. I wish I could just do it somehow. I wish. Oh I wish. There was a time when I came home for lunch. I missed my dogs so much that day so I took a lunch break at home. When I got home, my dogs were soooo happy to see me. And when I left, they looked at me like, why do you have to leave? There was an unspoken language. Something. That moment alone almost made me cry. I drove back to work with some kind of burden on my chest. I couldn’t stop thinking about that hour at home. Then I prayed. For a miracle to happen. But it never happened that day.
Call me idiot, stupid, whatever but I do hope that one day I’d win the lotto or the powerball. I know the odds are slim to nothing but people have won them. So there’s always a chance. There’s always a possibility. And I am not giving up on that yet. And if I win, I promise myself, I am going to take a year off everything. I am going to dedicate that one year to be closer to God. I will help those who are unfortunate. I will spend my year doing nothing but volunteer works. For my church, for my animal rescue group, for my community. Anything I’d do it.
I know. I wish life was that easy.
Ugggh. A thought of my job crossed my mind and I hated it. I just hate it so much. Just thinking about it makes me sick. I get grumpy all the time when I am at home. I hate that. Then, when little thing happens, I’d be screaming and yelling and do all those crazy stuff. Like I just burst out into a moment of anger. Then a minute later, I’d regret it. What I have always wanted was to let out a scream to express my frustration with my job situation.
I hate what I do. Every day I think about quiting my job. I envision it in my head. How lovely that would be. I dream about it.
Why can’t I be like one of those famous people. Like Miley Cyrus. Sing a few song, act a little, make lots of money. No worries for the rest of my life.
Oh. I feel like I need to talk to a psychologist.
God, please help me.
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Friday night. My husband is working at his part-time job tonight. I finished eating dinner–leftover Shrimp and veggie stir fry. It was good. I ate it with plain white rice.
I don’t know if I am pregnant or not. I am anxious. I can’t wait to have a baby. I can’t wait to share all the wonderful things we have in this world. I cannot wait to take the baby to the park for a picnic or to play. I cannot wait to see my husband teach him how to fly a kite or how to ride a bicycle. I want to take him to the beach. I want to take him to the dog park. I want to take him to Savannah for the weekend. I want to take him to grocery. I want to do so many things with him. I can’t wait to teach him how to read, how to talk, how to be gentle to our pets. I can’t wait to bake him his very first birthday cake and his very first cupcake.
I can’t wait. I will pray everyday. Every time I have the chance to say a little prayer. I will pray so that my husband and I will be blessed with a happy, healthy, and beautiful pregnancy soon.
In the meantime, I will also keep on praying about my work situation. I know that the economy is really bad right now and I am hoping that God would be kind to me and would show me a way so I can financially afford to quit my job. I want a way. Perhaps, a new, better job. Or something else. Like maybe I’d win some money that will allow me to start my own business. Life is full of good surprises and I am sure I will get my good surprises soon.
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The weekend went by pretty fast. I was on call (from work) on Saturday and Sunday so it wasn’t fun but nothing major happened and I am thankful for that.
My husband is still at his (part-time) workplace. I miss him so much. He left at 5 and it has been 6 hours since he left. Shortly after he left, I went grocery shopping. There were so many BOGO deals at the local supermarket so I got bunch of those things. I got home around 7PM and then I started cooking and cleaning up the house. I made lunches and dinners for my husband. I packed his lunch for tomorrow. I got done about 9PM. Then I had dinner–angel hair pasta with clams in tomato and garlic sauce. At around 10, I had the time to take shower. I felt so tired afterward. I am ready to go to bed. But I miss my husband so much. I wish he was here. I am glad he only has to work Thursday and Saturday this week.
I rented bunch of old movies from Blockbuster several days ago and I plan on watching them all week this week. Hopefully tomorrow, my husband would watch one of them with me. He is not a big fan of old movies.
I am so tired.
I need to read the bible first before going to bed. And say few Novenas to the Virgin Mary. I plan on going to the church to attend the Novena mass tomorrow at noon. I have done this for he last 3 months now. I love it. I always look forward to Monday noons.
I hope everyone had a great week. If you did, please do not forget to give thanks to God. He makes all things possible. May you will be followed by another great week ahead.
God bless everyone.
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All the talk about the recession and job losss makes me sad. I am thankful to have my my job–though I hate it–and to have a husband who also has a job. I am so thankful that we can still afford our life. I am so very, very thankful that we have savings in our bank accounts. Our cash saving is not much but at least it will be there when we need it. I realized that we’d need to save more money.
We managed to save another $250 this week. That makes our first phase saving goal to $4892. I might be able to pull an extra $108 to round that up to $5000 for this week at least. That way we’ll have $1000 to go. My goal is to get to save that extra $1000 in a month. So by mid January next year, we should hit our goal of $6000 saving. Starting January 2009, I would like to start to increase our cash saving by $500 per paycheck, which will equal to $1000 per month. By April 2009, I am hoping to be able to be debt-free (except for mortgage). By June/July 2009, I’d like to hit the $12,000 cash saving mark. By late summer 2009, I’d like to finish our house renovation. How? I am not sure for now but we’ll figure out a way.
Every year, like most people, I always have goals set up. At the end of the year, we usually have goals for the following year. Good in the beggining but around March…April… those goals seem to fade away. So one of my goals for 2009 is to keep all the promises I make to myself to last through year 2009.
I’d like to take more but it is getting late here. I better go to sleep. I will have a busy day tomorrow–just like today.
My message for tonight is for each one of us to thank God for all the blessings we receive. We might think we have nothing but believe me, there are millions–yes, millions–others who have less than us. Thank God and you will receive more. May God bring you joy, happiness, luck, health, and comfort in your life; today and always. Remember to always to smile because God loves each and everyone of us. And that is the greatest blessing anyone can have in their life.
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On Wednesday evening’s apologetic’s class, we learned about the angels, the devils, and exorcism. I learned that the Catholic church believes that each one of us has our own guardian angel. I also learned that we can actually talk to our guardian angel just like how we talk to other people. Quite interesting.
So the day after class, I searched online on guardian angels. I found out a whole lot more information. And that same day, I called my guardian angel. That was the “first time” I ever spoke to my guardian angel. I never knew I had one. So I started talking to him. Yes, it sounded like I was talking to myself. I called him to come to my life and to be a good guardian angel for me. I asked him to always guide me and to help me stay positive and be happy.
Amazingly, since then, I have been feeling pretty happy. Granted it has only been like 2 days but I am feeling pretty good with everything so far. I feel like everything in my life is going to be fine. My guardian angel has done a great job in keeping me on track with happiness. For the last 2 days, I think nothing but good things and happiness. I avoid toxic people and I keep close those who gravitate happiness. Life is more relaxing that way. I feel humbled to feel this way. I want my life to go to the right direction. It does not have to be perfect because who is perfect? No one is and no one has a perfect life. So it is ok if my life is not perfect. I do want to feel happiness in my life, though.
I have been talking to my guardian angel everyday for the last 2 days now. I called him to be in my dream last night but I couldn’t tell if he was there or not. I know I have a good guardian angel. I just know it.
It is truly an amazing feeling to not have to worry about little things anymore. Also, did you know that you could talk to someone’s else’s guardian angel? I tried to do that on Friday and it seemed to work. So I was happy about it.
Get to know your guardian angel and you’d be amazed on how a lovely experience it is.
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I feel mellower tonight. Although I had a long day at work, I didn’t feel too stressed out today. I am not going to worry about it too much tonight. Tomorrow, I am going to face it with another bravery. I would not let anyone or anything to distract me or to make me unhappy. I am a good and happy person inside and out and I am going to stay that way no matter what. I will spread the joy and happiness of my life to others.
Tomorrow evening is my company’s office party. I plan on attending it with my husband. I am sure we will have a good time there. I want to eat lots and go home to sleep good. Hmm mmm mmm.
This weekend, I have the weekend duties from work. I have faith it will not be that much to do. It does not matter. I will be finished at 5 anyways. Then in the evening Saturday, my husband and I are going to the neighborhood’s holiday tour. I am so excited. I actually volunteer to bake some cookies to bring to the event so I will be baking about 2 dozens or so cookies. Yum.
Nothing else is going on. Tonight is so relaxing. My husband and I are enjoying our evening together. Earlier, we had dinner and then we watched a dvd–Iron Man. It a simple and satisfying moment for me and my husband. I want to do more of those relaxing moments.
Have a great evening everyone. God bless you all.
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I hate my life sometimes. Does everything have to go wrong in my life? When can I get to be right? To feel that I am right. I hate tonight especially. I just hate it so very much. Nothing good happens today. Another bad news from my mom about my dad’s situation and I did not win the lottery–which means I will have to go back to the job I hate so very much tomorrow morning.
My life sucks. I hate it and I wish I would never have to ever go back to my workplace tomorrow. I wish for a miracle to happen tonight so I don’t ever, never, never, never ever have to go back to work tomorrow. I hate my job. I hate my workplace. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it.
Nothing in my life is going right at this moment. And I hate that too.
I have been praying and wishing and believing and all that for a long time. I want to keep on believing. At ths very moment, I just feel like I hate everything. Nothing is going right. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it.
Every little things that don’t go the way I want it, I hate it. Every little details annoy me. I wish I could hibernate for months or years and then wake up to a better world.
I hate my life. Why can’t I feel happy for once? Why can’t a miracle happen to me for once in my life? Why?
God I believe in you and I know you will work a miracle in my life. Please. I am begging you.
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Hail Mary full of grace the Lord is with thee. Blessed are thou among women and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, mother of god, pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death. Amen
Tonight I want to say my thanksgiving to Jesus and the Blessed Virgin Mary for giving me strength and patience at work for the last 2 days. I felt that I was being tested and only through God’s presence in my heart I was able to get through the last 2 days easily. I am so blessed indeed. I could have said I quit but I did not. I felt so strong at work. I held my patience. Prayed a lot and I made it. I could not possible made it without the blessings from Jesus and Virgin Mary.
Tomorrow is a new day. I will face it with bravery. Like I said yesterday, there is nothing I cannot do with God by my side.
Tonight my husband is working at his part time job again. He is switching with someone from work so he does not have to work this Thursday as he was scheduled before. I will have tomorrow through Saturday to spend with him. Yay. I am so happy. Tomorrow is the apologetic class at church. I plan to attend. I love learning new things.
I wanted to go to church today to attend mass but I couldn’t since everyone left for lunch at the same time and there is always have to be someone there to watch the desk. So I stayed. I spent my lunch hour at the cafetaria downstairs to read the Bible and to pray. It was very calming and comforting.
I am going to go to bed early tonight so I can wake up refreshed and happy.
I want to be a happy person. I deserve it.
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I had my work review today. I just started my new position almost 4 months ago so my boss couldn’t really review my work. I asked if he had any problems with me, he said no; I said ok. I asked what he liked about me (work wise) and he said my willingness to work with others even when not asked and my attitude; I said fair enough. I signed the paperwork and I went back to my desk. Before I left, my boss said to me, he never reviewed someone that fast and he said that usually he would have to talk long and short with whoever he was reviewing. I said to him, I like to keep it simple and if he had any problems with me, I asked him to talk to me directly.
Today was so bland at work. I had the time to go to church to attend the Novena mass but to my dissapointment, there was no Novena mass today???? They only had the regular daily mass. I stayed anyway. And at the end of mass, I prayed the Novena to the Blessed Virgin Mary. I prayed so much. I prayed so hard. I meant every word I said at church today. I prayed and prayed and prayed and prayed. I begged and begged and begged for a miracle to come to my life. I felt so much better for that whole hour I was at church. How I wish every minute of my life I could feel like that.
My husband is working at his part-time job tonight. I miss him so much. I had dinner by myself. And then I baked brownies. I watched an old movie by myself. I felt so lonely tonight. Sigh.
What is it that I want in life? What do I want? I don’t want a fancy life. I want a simple life. I want to do something I love or I enjoy then at the end of the day I can go home to my family–happy and content. I want to take care of my husband and my kids–someday. I want to have time for my husband. I want be happy. I want a simple life. I want to make money enough to pay the bills and have a little fun. I don’t need million dollars in the bank. Money won’t make me happy. I want the happy life. I want it so bad. I don’t want to go to work worrying about my happiness. I hate my job. I hate it so much. I want to quit but I cannot afford it and everyday I am dreading it and it makes my head hurts and my heart beats so fast just thinking about it. I hate it so much and God knows that. I tell God every night. I ask and pray for strength and each day I pass it I feel relieved because for that one day God has given me strength to face it. I am thankful for that. I heard at mass once long time ago, as long as I have God by my side, there is nothing I cannot do.
A good friend of mine from work was being let go a week ago. Actually the company bought him out. They gave him a severance package. He has few more years until retirement so I am not sure if the company gave him his retirement or not. He had been with the company for 10 years. I wish they would bought me out. Just give me a year or two worth of my salary and I’d be a happy camper. I’d pay off everything and the house and I’d work part time somewhere I like for the rest of my life. I think that would make me happy.
Life is a mistery isn’t it? You never know what tomorrow will bring you. But always hope for the best. I know I complain a lot about my work but trust me, I am so thankful for everything else in my life. I have a wonderful husband, I have wonderful pets, I have a house, I have good friends and families. I have my health. I have my mind. I have some savings in the bank. I am able to donate to those who are less fortunate. I am able to think. I am able to walk. I have a car. I can feel. I have my legs. I have everything I need in this world. My life is beautiful regardless my work condition. I love everything else in my life except my job. But you know what? I won’t let it make me feel down–hard to believe right??? Sure I feel down sometimes thinking about my job but then I think about something else that makes me happy. Like Jesus, or Virgin Mary, or the church, or God’s words, or my husband, my families, my friends, all the happy moments I had experienced in my life, my dreams…. then I don’t feel so bad anymore. I am thankful that I have my job to provide me with money so I can pay the bills and pay for foods for us and the pets. The money I earn from work has enabled me to buy foods for others who are less fortunate; I have been able to send money to charities. All is that because of the job I hate so much.
Lord have mercy on me. I hope Lord Jesus would forgive me for ranting about my job. He loves me I know and he would not let me suffer. I know He will help me to get through this. I will keep on asking the Lord to please find me a way so I can financially afford to quit my job. I hope the good Lord would find me something else to do. I don’t care about the money. I just need to be doing something I enjoy the most.
Recently, I thought about doing some missionary works in other countries. My husband thought I was kidding when I told him that. He asked me, what are we going to do with the dogs? Mind you, we have 6 dogs in the house (2 bigs and 4 small). I said to him, God will find us a way to take care of that. I seriously want to do missionary works. I want to tell others about God’s love. I want to spread that joy. Attending mass makes me happy. It takes away all my worries and sadness. I feel loved when I pray to God. I want to share that happiness. Not long ago, I was not religious at all. Few months ago, I could careless about God and now look at me. I attend mass regularly–sometimes 3 – 4 times a week. I attend religious classes. I read the Bible. I pray to the saints and Jesus and Virgin Mary. I am a true believer. God and the Blessed Virgin Mary have helped me SO much in my life for the last few months it is enough to convince me that God loves me. He will stand right beside me; holding my hands. Nothing I cannot face tomorrow.
May God pour His eternal blessings in your life always. Remember, when sadness and worriness creeps in your heart, pray and you will feel better.
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The long weekend is almost over. It is Sunday–almost midnight. I feel like Cinderella right before the midnight bell rings–when she rushes back to her pumpkin ride. And she ends up losing one of her shoes. That is exactly how I feel right now. I am dreading tomorrow. Work. Unfriendly coworkers. Dysfunctional group of people. I do not want to go back to work tomorrow. I was praying for a miracle to happen on the weekend. Something. So I don’t ever have to come back to work. Sure I can tell my boss I want to quit. I can’t afford it right now. Not before the holiday. I might quit in April after I come back from my long vacation. And after the bonus time.
I am so sick of my work place. The thought of going back to work to my office makes me shudder. It is that bad. Everyday, I am dreading it. If I think about it, it’ll ruin my mood instantly–literally.
I don’t know how I last this long working at my company.
I need to figure something out before I quit in April. I am thinking of starting my own business. I have several ideas and I need to do more research on those subjects.
Sometimes I feel like I am going nowhere. I hate that feeling. I am 30 years old. I have so many things I want to do and achieve. I feel so useless. I don’t even know what I want to do with my life. So stupid. I hate going to work but I don’t know how to deal with that. I don’t want to come back to work but I have nothing else to do in my life. I pray everyday for God to give me guidance. I have faith that Lord will show me the way. He will help me. I need that prayer answered asap. Because I have been waiting for so long. I know. I have to have more patience. I will keep on praying.
God loves me.
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