If there is one thing, just one thing, I wish I could do right now is to be able to quit my job and to afford it. I don’t need a million dollar to quit my job. I don’t even need half of that. Not a quarter. I just want to be at peace with the decision of quiting my job.
I have no drive to work at my work place. I have no desire. I was not like this before. My job has become something I dread so much. My coworkers are people from hell. My boss is a joke. My department, as a whole, is like the red headed bastard child of the company. Whenever we have a group meeting (just my department, which only has 6 people including me), it always ends up being a pity party for everyone but me. My boss has the best knacks of turning a group meeting into some kind of this-is-the-end-of-the-world moment. Dark and gloomy.
I just moved to my new department about 6 months ago. And there are a lot of times, when my coworkers would tell me something and I’d be on selective hearing mode. I’d nod my head and pretend I was listening when my mind was elsewhere. I never care. I don’t even know how I lasted this long. I know it sounds really bad but I just don’t care anymore. And I feel guilty because I know I can do so much better job if I do what I like to do.
Everyday I sit at my desk, staring at my computer, doing nothing. Thinking. About what I could have done with my life. And I’d feel warmth all over my cheeks but I don’t want to cry. I don’t want a pity party for myself–I’ve got enough doze of that from my department biweekly meeting.
Everyday, I’d compile ideas of what I would do, say, I won a lottery. Or if some strangers handed me lots of money or a business to start.
I am trying to distract myself from the doom and gloom of my work. I am taking golf classes and sewing classes at night. And then starting in February, I am going to take a series of Adobe classes–Photoshop, InDesign, Illustrator, etc. I am trying. So far, I have learned so much from my golf and sewing classes. I love it. You never know when a hobby will turn into a fun money-making activity. My goals this year are to be able to play descent golf, be good at sewing, and learn graphic design. Oh I am also starting an etsy shop. I am trying my best to distract myself from the bad things.
I envy those stay-at-home moms. I am jealous. I wish I could stay at home. I wish I could just do it somehow. I wish. Oh I wish. There was a time when I came home for lunch. I missed my dogs so much that day so I took a lunch break at home. When I got home, my dogs were soooo happy to see me. And when I left, they looked at me like, why do you have to leave? There was an unspoken language. Something. That moment alone almost made me cry. I drove back to work with some kind of burden on my chest. I couldn’t stop thinking about that hour at home. Then I prayed. For a miracle to happen. But it never happened that day.
Call me idiot, stupid, whatever but I do hope that one day I’d win the lotto or the powerball. I know the odds are slim to nothing but people have won them. So there’s always a chance. There’s always a possibility. And I am not giving up on that yet. And if I win, I promise myself, I am going to take a year off everything. I am going to dedicate that one year to be closer to God. I will help those who are unfortunate. I will spend my year doing nothing but volunteer works. For my church, for my animal rescue group, for my community. Anything I’d do it.
I know. I wish life was that easy.
Ugggh. A thought of my job crossed my mind and I hated it. I just hate it so much. Just thinking about it makes me sick. I get grumpy all the time when I am at home. I hate that. Then, when little thing happens, I’d be screaming and yelling and do all those crazy stuff. Like I just burst out into a moment of anger. Then a minute later, I’d regret it. What I have always wanted was to let out a scream to express my frustration with my job situation.
I hate what I do. Every day I think about quiting my job. I envision it in my head. How lovely that would be. I dream about it.
Why can’t I be like one of those famous people. Like Miley Cyrus. Sing a few song, act a little, make lots of money. No worries for the rest of my life.
Oh. I feel like I need to talk to a psychologist.
God, please help me.
I have almost 2 1/2 more hours to go until the new year. It is time to make changes in my life. Good changes that will bring more lucks, joy, happiness, fortunes, true friendship, health, and love. I am done with 2008. The new year will be so joyful. I am going to be a happier person in so many ways.
In January, I will be starting sewing classes. It is 6 weeks long and it costs $85 for the entire length of class. The class will start on January 15 I think. I will be done by the end of February. Why am I taking this class? Well, let me tell you something. I have been wanting to learn how to sew. I want to make pretty things for babies and for women who like to wear pretty things. I want to make baby blankies, diaper bags, changing pad, baby bags, or aprons for hot all the mamas out there. I want to make them and I want to sell them online. As of right now, I am looking at etsy.com as a place to sell them. I do have my own website, which sadly, I hardly use actually. I might get to use that soon enough. So. Now you know why I am taking sewing classes. I want to learn a new skill each year. In 2008, I learned cake decorating skill that I enjoyed learning.
Financially, I would like to earn more money. I want to do what I love. I want to find my passion. I really, really need to figure out what it is that I want to do. My plan is to open my own business. As of right now, I am not 100% so sure what it is going to be yet. In a fairy-tale-ending world, I would open a baby boutique. Something that is affordable for new mothers. I will carry handmade items. I want to sell pretty things that mothers and babies will adore.
Year 2009 is also the year my husband and I would like to have our first baby. I want a baby. My husband wants a baby. We want a baby. I am 100% sure we are ready emotionally. I know my husband will be a good dad.
I have so much I want to accomplish in 2009. I want to get a new house in 2009. I really want to. I want something a bit bigger for our pets and our future family!!!!!
Here’s a toast to a Happier New Year!!!!!!!!!!!
For all of you who celebrate the holiday, I’d like to wish you Merry Christmas!!!
Have a blessed and holy Christmas. May the joy of Christmas be with you throughout the new year.
My husband left to St.Petersburg early this morning before 7AM for his 3 days and 2 nights business trip. Last year, he asked me to go with him to similar event (in Celebration (Orlando), FL) and it was so much fun. We traveled together and did so many fun stuff there together. We even had the time to spend extra 2 nights at nearby small town called Mt.Dora to do antiquing. It was SOOOO much fun. This year, because of my crazy new work schedule, I cannot even take 2 days off to go with him. I hate my job. I don’t like my boss either. He treats everyone like little kids. He does not trust anyone. He sets unreasonable goals for us. He thinks he is the best thing in the world. He needs a punch in the face. I really don’t like him. And you know what, I am not the only one who feels that way. I don’t understand why someone finds an enjoyment in making other people’s work life as living hell. That’s pretty much what he does. I am sure my boss would enjoy to hear how suffering we are all at work. I just cannot believe how blind he is. Is he not looking at everyone at work? Does he not realized how miserable we look at work? Does he not realized how miserable we are? I have several breakdowns at home and at work. My heart is burning with desire to leave my job.
Oh I miss my husband so much. He called earlier before 5PM. He finished with today’s class and he was walking on the beach when he called me. The hotel where he is staying at is right on the beach. I told him today was extra boring without him here. Everything seemed so bland without him. He told me that the company is having dinner at 6PM. So right now, he is having dinner with everyone from his company.
Today, I went to Cracker Barrel in hope to find some good sales (at their shop) and I saw Fall season’s decorations already. I couldn’t help but smile. I love Fall and Winter season; Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas. I love Halloween. Growing up in a different country, we didn’t have Halloween, so I enjoy so much the tradition of giving candies to little kids. I enjoy the time my husband and I spend together one night going to the grocery store to pick several bags candies. I always suggest that we give those kids healthy snacks but my husband always asks me not to do that. He asked me, do you want little kids to throw rotten apples and tomatoes at our house? Ok I get it. LOL. I love giving out candies. We always have tons of candies. Last year, I had the time to actually made 40 goodie bags for little kids. Of course, they were all gone in an hour. But we had bags of extra candies. I think last year we ended our Halloween night around 9.30PM. Some of our neighbors ended their evening earlier. This year, I want to decorate the house again!!!! I am going to buy bags and bags of candies!!! Fun.
Thanksgiving this year is going to be quiet. My husband’s grandma is moving to New Jersey this October. Usually we spend Thanksgiving at her house. But this year, I think we’re going to have to spend it just the two of us at our house. Or usually, my best friend’s family is always inviting us to every holiday celebration gathering at her house. If she invites us again this year, I’d cook something special to bring to the dinner gathering.
Christmas this year I am not sure what we are going to do. I love Christmas. I want to plan it from now but yet at the same time, I want to keep it open. I want this special holiday to be extra special. It’s my favorite time of the year!!!
We’re throwing a 4th of July party. Not at our house. It’s going to be at (my husband’s) grandma’s house. My husband’s uncle is making sushi and since he is not from our city (he’ll be visiting), he has asked us to buy fresh fish on July 4th morning. Luckily, we live near the ocean so fresh seafoods are always available.
I am planning on making some Vietnamese Summer Rolls for the appetizer. It’s light and fresh-tasting.
For me, no celebration is complete without dessert!!! This is a biggie for me as I love to make desserts. I want to make something with summer fruits. I went grocery shopping today and I saw sales on Strawberries, Blueberries, Raspberries, and Watermelons. I am thinking of making summer berries triffle. I am going to bake my own Pound cake in the morning. I’ll buy some watermelons as well. Perfect. This is going to be a great 4th of July celebration!!! I am quite excited actually.
