One Lucky Girl

*sigh*

will i ever sell another thing from my shops again? i am getting so desperate. i dont know what to do. what should i do? i want to be able to sell things. and be able to make extra money.

i am 6 months pregnant. i have 3 more months until the baby is born. then another 3 months of maternity leave. that means, i have 6 months left to actually make money. i want to do it way before that though. i want to be able to make money from now. so we can adjust our budget from now on.

i know God hears my prayers. i know that God is listening. i just hope that i will sell more items more often. i know life is tough. i know the economy sucks right now but i also know people who make money during this economy. and i want to be one of those people.

my goal is to be able to stay at home/work from home after the baby is born. i dont need to make a lot of money–although that would be nice. i want to be able to care for the baby. and i dont want to be a burden to my husband. he is not making much money. i wish he would have gotten a better paying job i really wish he wouldn’t feel too comfortable at where he is right now because it is not supporting both of us at all. and i wish that i could say to people yeah we can afford for me to stay home.

if we can’t then i will use my savings. i dont want to go back to work at my job anymore after the baby is born. you’d have to move mountain to make me go back there. i love my life and i want to enjoy my life. i am sorry but my sanity worths more than 47,000 a year. daily crappy treatments are not my thing.

i am a good person and i believe good karma will happen to me.

I am so nervous right now. 

I just don’t know where my life is going. I want to be able to leave my dayjob in March/April of next year to stay home with the baby but I just don’t know how. This sucks. I hate my job. So. Much. There is no way I am going back there after the baby is born. I’m about to lose my sanity the way it is right now.

Everyday I pray for forgiveness from God. I pray for luck. I pray for fortune. I pray for a financial miracle. I pray for God to grant me a way so I can financially afford to quit my job. I really want to quit my job.

I am trying to get my etsy shops going. It’s tough. I don’t know what else I need to do?? I should be doing more I know.

I am so desperate to make extra money so that we can save for the baby. I want to be able to afford to quit my job. That’s all I want. I just want that. And of course, I want to be able to work from home. Selling things online.

Been a long day. Long week, actually. I am tired. Time to hit the bed.

God, where are you? I’m calling your name everyday. I am looking for you. God, where are you? I need you more now than ever. God, are you there?

I am in need of help. I don’t want to be lost. My life. My whole life.

I know deep in my heart, things will be ok. Things will be fine. We’ll make it through the storm.

Evils are everywhere trying to destroy your inner faith. But never lose it. Because God is always there. Watching for you from a distance. There were days I felt like I lost God but then I found Him again. Very near.

Always surround yourself with dear friends who will be there for you no matter what happens in your life. Good friends are like God’s little angels. They’re always there for us.

God, please don’t ever leave me alone. Please stay close to me. Please hold my hands. This is the time when I am scared. This is the time when I don’t want to be left alone. This is the time when I need someone to hold my hands. It’s dark outside so please be my light. Show me the path. Show me the way.

What I loved about today was that I got to spend the whole day with my husband. I have to be honest, I do sometimes take for granted little things that I do with my husband. Well, tonight my husband is gone watching football game and I miss him so much. The house does not feel the same without him here. I hope he gets home soon–although I know he probably won’t be home until about 11PM. I should still be up by then.

Today we went to get our free chicken sandwich at Chick-Fil-A. It was good. Free dinner. We went grocery yesterday. Now that I think about it, I am the luckiest girl in the world. I have the most wonderful husband. He takes me everywhere I want. He even goes to JoAnn and Hobby Lobby with me. He wouldn’t complain waiting for me while I was shopping. He does everything for me. I couldn’t ask for a better husband. I am so thankful for him. I am so grateful to have him in my life. I don’t know what I would do without him.

It is really late at night…early in the morning actually… and I am feeling scared. Of my future.  I just don’t know where my life is going. I have a job that I hate. I want to quit soooo bad but I don’t know if we can afford to live on my husband’s income alone. My online shop is ok but I don’t make money from it everyday so it’s kinda frustrating sometimes.

If I could just have one wish… that would be to have a financial miracle. I don’t know what it is but just a financial miracle. I don’t know… maybe Bill Gates decides to pay off my mortgage … or I won some prize money… something!!

I don’t know what to think right now. My life is so cluttered. And we’re about to have a baby. I feel like a failure sometimes. I wish so much I could love my job but I don’t. I hate it so much. Going to work everyday is like a torture to me. Sometimes I wonder, how long I am going to last there. My baby will be born in January. I wish so much I wouldnt have to go back to work. I wish and hope with all my heart.

Somedays, I know things will be fine. Things have always worked out for me miraculously in the past.  Don’t ask me how. I don’t even know. They just did. I know God is watching over me. I know God will show me the way. Even in the crappiest moment, I still believe in the presence of God.

So I hope God will help me again this time. To show me where to do. What to do. To make sure that everything will be fine for me, my husband, and my baby.