We actually made $13.50 yesterday from the garage sale. Stinks.
Anyways. Today I feel so sick to my stomach thinking about my work. My job. Yes I know, I know I should be thankful I have a job. I KNOW THAT. But what good does it make when I am dreading it every single day and it has taken over my life. My personal life. It has affecting my sanity. Some days, at work, I feel so depressed and I can’t tell anyone. And I don’t think anyone knows how depressed I am. Maybe people just think oh she’ll get over it. NO. It’s not that simple. Especially now I am pregnant. I don’t want my pregnancy to be affected by it. I want a happy and healthy pregnancy and this is not it. I hate my job. I hate it so much everyday I wish a miracle would happen to me. Everyday I pray for a miracle. Does it happen yet? No. Will it ever happen? I don’t know. But I have faith that God knows my worries and He will help me get through it.
I don’t know what I want to do with my life. That’s another problem. Why can’t I be like one of those people who have the a-ha moment and then they go launch a successful business on their own. Or they invent something fantastic. I don’t know. Something. I am thinking and thinking and thinking…..
Sure it is nice to have a job and an income. Sure. But I am not happy and I don’t think this is the purpose of my life. I dont mind doing something else that brings me less income as long as I am happy.
I hope to be able to quit my job once the baby is here. For now, I know I have to suck up my job and think of something to do once the baby is here. I figured I should have about $30,000 saved by March 2010 –> this to include the bonus from work. And I have some saving in my retirement account should I need to break it. I don’t plan to do this however.
If I pick up my sewing business again soon, I should be able to earn more money. I don’t know… maybe I can make $100 a week or so. Maybe I can consign my stuff to some shops around town. I can take more sewing lessons to better my sewing skills. Who knows I can offer private sewing lessons to ladies out there who would like to learn how to sew. That’s the plan for now at least.
God please bless me always. God please help me. God please guide me always. I need your help really really bad right now.
