Yesterday before I went to work, my husband took me out to an early dinner and ice cream dessert followed. It was nice of him. We had some fish dinner and he took me to my favorite ice cream shop in town (it’s a mom and pop ice cream parlor). I really enjoyed it. I didn’t see my husband much last week. And I won’t be able to see him for 3 days and 2 nights this week since he has to go to St.Petersburg from Wednesday through Friday for work-related event he has to attend. I am going to miss him so much. But next week I have a whole week off and I will see him every single day!!!!!!! Yay. Tonight I am going to cook him something special. Tomorrow night too. I’ve got it all planned already.
I know it sounds silly but sometimes, little things like that make me happy. Being with my husband. Spending time with my dogs. Just being at home with them makes me happy. It makes my soul leaps in joy and pure happiness.
I was talking to my coworkers at work last night about some of our coworkers who have been looking very unhappy working at our office. Since the new boss arrived, things changed so much in so little time. It’s not a good kind of change. It’s bad. We’re going downhill. A lot of people feel so pressured and pressed. It’s just not a happy place to work anymore. It does not do good to our sanity at all. I am feeling the pressures. I am new in my current position (been doing it for 7 months only). I always fake a smile when I am at work. And trust me, doing that for 12 hours a day is NOT easy. It’s stupid. Sometimes I wonder why I do this to myself. I am hurting nobody but myself. Deep inside, I feel miserable at work. I want to quit. I want to run away from that place. I hate my work. I used to like it. The new boss does not want to listen to anybody’s suggestions. He does not care. He will throw you under the bus if that makes him look better in front of his boss. I don’t know what I am going to do to be honest. I don’t feel like staying there anymore.
Sometimes I feel so lucky that my husband has a full time job. Most of the people at my department are males and they are the breadwinner of their families. So it can be hard for most of them to quit their job. If I really want to, I can quit my job and if I find a part time job somewhere, we’d still make it. But to most of these people at my work, there is no option like that. They cannot quit. If they quit, their family won’t have anything to eat. It sucks. I pray and I beg to God so that the situation will get better in our office/department. I don’t know. God can work some kind of miracle. I know He can. He will help all of us in need.
And if things get really really really bad, I can always call my mom and borrow money from her. She is always there for me. I love my mom.
It is almost 6.30AM Monday morning. My husband will be up in a little bit. I plan to go to church today at 12 to attend Novena Mass. I have lots to pray to God. I know God hears our prayers and he listens and he answers each and every prayer we have.
Uggghh. My job drives me crazy. The other day someone asked me why I applied for another position. I wanted to tell him that I hate this job SO much I’d take any other jobs in a heartbeat but instead I chose a more diplomatic answer. You never know who you can trust at work. I try not to spill any beans I have. I apply for whatever job I want. None of their business. I want to get another job that offers a regular schedule (and a nicer boss). I want to be able to see my husband every single evening and weekend. I want to hug him when I am sleeping at night. I want to spend weekends with him. I want to go out with friends on weekend or any Monday nights or whatever. I want my family time back. My current job is so stupid. I feel stupid for doing it. I don’t know why. I am not happy and it won’t make anyone else happy. I try to be happy and I think I put on a quite darn good show at work concealing my real feeling of my job. I fucking hate my job. I hate it so much I’d do anything in the world to win the lottery so I don’t have to go back to my office ever again.
I want that balance between work and family again. I want my sanity and health back. I don’t want to go to work feeling all presured and stressed out even before I begin the day.
*Sigh*
I need to go to bed.
